How to Online Date: A Crash Course

By Keri Powell | JFS
According to a 2019 Pew survey, only 32% of adults aged 50 and older have ever used a dating site or app. This compares to 86% of adults aged 18-49. Considering that younger adult readers likely have given it a try, this article is aimed at older adults. However, anyone curious about online dating should continue reading.

There are a ton of different dating apps. In an effort not to make this article too long, I suggest just googling “best dating apps for adults,” and you’ll be able to choose one that fits your preferences.

Before creating your dating profile, take time to explore your intentions for joining an online dating app. Are you looking for casual dating, with no strings attached, but just someone to have fun and pass time with? Are you looking for friendship only? A romantic relationship? Whatever floats your boat – just be sure to know your intentions so that you can filter out people with intentions that do not align with yours.

Once you’ve done some reflecting on intentions, make that profile, honey! You’ll want to upload three to five photos of yourself. It is recommended to choose photos that show you smiling. Don’t overdo group photos because it’s hard to tell which person you are. Choose photos without sunglasses; and choose photos that show you engaged in activities you like, such as cooking, biking or playing with your pet, to show a bit of your personality.

Most apps will have an “About me” section, where you can write about yourself. Think of this as your elevator speech. Keep it short, honest and fun. Be sure to write about yourself when you’re in a good mood, because you don’t want it to come off grumpy. Write a bit about yourself, what you like and what you’re looking for (those intentions).

After you’ve completed your profile, you’re ready to date! Each app has a different way of doing this part. The most common feature is the “swipe.” You are presented with profiles of potential matches that the algorithm predicts you will hit it off with and you swipe your finger one way to say “yes” and another way to say “no, thank you.” After that, if the other person also swipes yes for you, then you’re “matched” and ready to engage in conversation.

Most of the apps have in-app communication methods, such as text, video and phone capacity. It’s recommended to communicate with the person through the app, itself, so that you’re not prematurely giving out your personal information, like phone number or email address.

Next comes safety measures. Do not give out any identifying information on your profile. This means do not use your last name on your profile and don’t give out information in your “About me” that can be searched easily online.

For example, it wouldn’t take much to find my identity if I put Keri P. from Houston and a social worker. Anyone with time, internet access and a bit of know-how could easily find my LinkedIn page. Wait to disclose identifying information after you’ve had a video call or multiple conversations with them so you can confirm they are not a catfish and feel confident you would like to pursue the person further.

You may be wondering what a catfish is at this point. In the virtual world, catfish refers to someone who is pretending to be another person. They may use fake photos or have misleading “About me” sections, in a fraudulent attempt to conceal their true identity. This can happen in any media, such as scam phone calls or emails, so don’t let it deter you, just take precautions.

If you do meet in person, you may want to know the person’s full identity first and let someone you trust know where you will be and who you will be meeting.

Online dating is a lot like fishing – it takes a lot of patience! You throw out bait (your profile), you hook a few (others swiped yes on your profile), release a few (you swipe no thank you), and maybe reel in a few (make a match).

Times are changing and meeting people in person through friends or family members, as you may be accustomed to, isn’t as readily available as our social circles grow smaller, especially in a pandemic world. If you decide to give it a go, be safe and have fun!

Keri Powell is a clinical social work intern in Behavioral and Mental Health Services at Jewish Family Service of Houston, where she specializes in mental health approaches that address the whole person – mind, body and soul. In addition to being a certified yoga teacher, personal trainer and nutrition coach, Powell has a bachelor’s degree in biology and psychology and a Master
of Science degree in microbiology.